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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Table of Men: Reconciling Differences in Relationship

Welcome to the Table of Men.

In times of difference, we have a very likely tendency to do our "thing": lock up in that familiar fortress of silence.

Here is what i believe will help:
As the man, put the issue on the table neutrally and let her present her opinion. Women will more likely express their opinion readily. So reserve yours for after hers. While she is talking, listen for her heart not her words. Understand the point of view she is seeing things from. With that, you will be able to give a balanced perspective when you're expressing yours. Remember it's all about leadership - gaining influence with her. While giving your opinion, validate hers and present yours as a complementary view not a differing view.

It's like looking at the landscape from two sides of a mountain. What you see is correct; what she sees is correct. It's only that you both are seeing half of the full picture. When you put yours together with hers, you get a full correct picture. That's what couples try to do when they have different opinions about the same issue - Harmony. You both are trying to have the full and right picture if the issue on ground, which are the emotional and the logical.

So, please be patient with her. You will need so much of that patience for God knows how long. I can tell that you both have made radical progress over time. And that gladdens my heart. Who could have thought you both will come this far! So now is the time to celebrate your strength together. They say, "there is strength in diversity", and God never intended men to be like women and vice versa. He made us differently so that we could have it complete in our marriages.

Let the friction result in smoothening out of rough edges. If you both keep rubbing the rough edges against each other, the friction will keep getting hotter, but the surfaces will eventually smoothen out. Once they are smoothened, the friction will naturally drop drastically! That's when you have mastered that area of your relationship. I'm speaking from some of the raw, unpalatable experiences I've had in my relationship too. The situations are peculiar but the principle remains the same.

So, be the MAN; that's who you are!

Note by:
As men, we shouldn't do many things for and to our wives because we are comfortable doing them but because it's the right thing to do; especially when she isn't deserving of it. That's what God was saying when he said, "Husbands, love your wives". He knew we would find it a little challenging, but trusting him for help and relying on him to lead us in our thinking, feelings, motives and actions makes all the difference. And mind you, praying for your wife when you least feel like is the most effective of times because the prayer happens with emotion. You may be the only one praying for her in the whole world!

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